April 3, 2012

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers.  It is a comfort to know you are out there.  While no one actually said it, I need to stop thinking so much.  Trust my gut and don’t live in a ‘what if’ world.  It’s funny, because I do not play the ‘what if’ game in any other part of my life.  So the ‘what ifs’ are now out of my system.  Arri is not in any imminent, life threatening condition. At least, we don’t believe he is.   If we stopped all treatment, he would still have months – paws crossed - years left in him.  Stopping the treatment would mean a slow disabling of his leg, maybe not so slow.  The cancer is growing very fast, extremely fast actually, but is localized in the leg.  It is not known to spread to organs or lymph system.   However, if left untreated, the tumor would grow excessively large and could break up over time and spread.   

Of course, surgery generally slows growth for a year or more and when combined with radiation, it should be in complete remission.  Since none of that has been effective, I guess I should not put much hope in the statistics.  He is not in pain and he has no issues with walking, running or jumping.  He eats just fine, with the exception of an addiction to cheese.  Thus the dilemma: to treat or not to treat.  If he acted like an old dog, I would give him a break and enjoy the time.  But he thinks he is only 5 so, I have to fight for this old dog that is so young at heart.  On Friday we will talk to the Doctor.  I may change my mind once we talk but for now, we fight.  And if it does more harm than good, I will work less and we spend some time at the beach this summer.  Maybe we should do that anyway.  I know you love the water sweet boy.

I hope nobody minds if I double the price of my cakes to pay for all of this.  Just kidding…kind of…..

April 2, 2012....biopsy

Frustration runs high. I still haven’t heard biopsy results from Arri’s surgery from two weeks ago. I called first thing and the receptionist tried to forward me to the surgeon. He told her oncology was taking care of that. Guess what? Dr Ottnod was not in the office yet. I have found another growth and the latest 3 have gotten larger. I think my biggest frustration is that I expected radiation to work. I feel very let down. I really don’t know what the next step is. More surgery? More radiation? Leave it alone and let him live his life? Part of me wants to do that. But knowing he has cancer and just letting it grow when he is still so healthy in every other respect prevents me from ignoring it. I am starting to think, in some ways, learning your dog has a terminal illness and losing them quickly can be easier. The person going through it certainly doesn’t think so. I am sure they are wondering if they could have caught it sooner. It is a painful blessing in disguise. That test question is a yes/no/when response. I feel like my test is multiple choice with an essay attached. I am constantly second guessing. If I ignore it, will I feel guilty forever because I didn’t do more? And then there is the flip side. If I do more, do I question whether I should have just let it be? My brain hurts. Through this whole ordeal, I have not shed a tear about this but today I am. I am so conflicted in what is best for him.

Time passes…..

I got a call back from the surgeon.  They had not realized they had not received the biopsy results.  He said the tumor was a high…..(something) return of the cancer.  That’s all he said.  He will have Dr. Ottnod or Dr. Obradovich review the results and call me back.

Time passes…..

Dr. Obradovich called.  Well, no she didn’t.  She had her assistant who can’t answer any questions call.  Arri does have Stage 2 sarcoma. We have an appointment on Friday to discuss Chemo, which is apparently her next recommendation.  If we chose to do it, Arri will start on Friday.  So I called on my friend Google to see if I can learn anything before the appointment.  I learned that Chemo will not cure him.  The best we can hope for is that the cancer goes into remission.  At this point, I am pretty skeptical.  The radiation was supposed to do that and the cancer was back in less than 6 weeks after treatment ended.  So, do we spend a boat load of money on something that may not help?    One thing the websites say, and the Dr. said in January, is that chemo may be for life.  Daily/weekly drug administration, monthly blood draws and possible side effects of vomiting, loss of appetite and the big D.  I hate to experiment on my boy.  Maybe we start chemo and if he has bad side effects, we stop. 

Oh, and turn in is in 6 weeks.  Teva is my cuddler and comic relief.  Poor Oregon has some huge paws to fill.

March 26...the cast comes off

Today I brought Arri into my home vet to have his soft cast removed.  I am glad that they put that on him.  He did not bother his leg at all and never had to wear the cone of shame.  Oregon came with as moral support and get his first taste of the vet's office.  He said it smells like dog and tastes like beefy treats.  he will be happy to go back next week.  I didn't tell him next week, he will get bit by a large (needle) bug.

It took awhile to cut the cast off.  They did a really, really good job of wrapping it up.  Something certainly turned out right.  There is next to zero indication that Arri had surgery.  No scabbing, just the slightest bit of reddness and some dry skin but otherwise clean and healthy.  

March 20, 2012

I am picking up Arri at 12:00.  Missed him a lot last night.  Didn’t sleep well without him in bed with me. 

Arri was very drugged when I picked him up.  They had given him a pain injection and it must have been strong.  He didn’t seem to notice that I was there.  I had 8 week old Oregon with me.  He sat nice and calm but then had to say hi to his buddy.  Arri didn’t snap or growl – yep, the drugs were strong. 

His whole leg, from knee down was wrapped in bandages.  Even his foot.  Because the irradiated skin takes longer to heal, the wound needs to be kept covered for 5 – 7 days.  They even gave me a saline bag, cut at the top and threaded with gauze to slip over the foot if the ground is wet.  The bandage has to stay dry.  I was warned that he would have to pee a lot over the next 24 hours.  They had him on IV fluids right up to an hour before I arrived.  They did not have any results from the biopsy yet.  They will call.  He is on pain medication and we are to have the bandage removed by them or my own vet.  I think I will skip that lovely drive this time and call Dr. Mike.

As we walked out to the car, I decided to toilet Arri one more time.  That was when I realized he looked like a white water buffalo.  He was SOOOO bloated from the IV.  Could it be that they were trying to distract him from the pain in his leg so they made him feel like a beached whale?   It looks like we will be stopping at all the rest stops on the way home.

The drive home was stressful.  Arri was in distress of some unknown kind most of the ride home.  His breathing was very labored.  He was whining and wheezing a lot.  I hated hearing it but then when he would relax a little, I would be nervous that he stopped breathing altogether.  The wheezing is from intubation.  His throat is raw.  Thankfully, Oregon understood that now was not the time to bark his head off while in his kennel in the car. 

The rest of the evening was uneventful.  As much as it must have pained him, I did have to smile when he tried to bark when Tim came home from work.  He was still so hoarse, his bark was pitiful.

As far as what happens next?  Don’t have a clue.  The bandage comes off on Monday.  He has dissolvable sutures in so pending no infection; we do not need to go back to the oncologist for a few months unless the biopsy results show a need to.

March 19, 2012

Yesterday, I was taking a photo of Arri’s leg, prior to surgery.I didn’t do that with the first growth we found.It gives me a real size to refer to.Over time, my memory will make it the size of a football.Anyway, I was touching his leg.I know, I’m not supposed to do that because I keep finding stuff.And yes, I found stuff.For lack of better knowledge, I will call the location a tendon running down the front of his shin.I felt two nodules; small, probably the size of a grain of rice but felt like boulders.About ½ inch away, I found a third. The third one could have been scar tissue as it was under a previous surgery area.Note to self, tell the doctor about them before surgery.

Dr. Walshaw called to let me know about the surgery.  All went well.  The lumps I pointed out do appear to be cancer.  They did not remove them.  They did take out the main mass and sent it for biopsy.  I’m not happy that the cancer is back already.  I really didn’t expect that.  We have only been done with radiation for 6 weeks.  I have no idea what happens next.  I have the feeling I will have to make a decision tomorrow.  If you don’t decide during the current appointment, you have to make another appointment to tell them – so they can recheck him and charge you an office fee.  Sorry, very cynical about the fees they charge.  A lot of money for very little progress.  They delayed the cancer growth by 10 weeks – maybe. The main mass was there from the start.

At what point do you stop treatment?  Another round of radiation?  Not too keen on that as it didn’t work last time.  Chemo – they said last time it would maybe be for the rest of his life.  Would it make a difference?  Just let the cancer grow – disabling over time?  Traumatic amputation at his age?  It would take care of the problem but he is 13 and that just might be one surgery he does not rebound from.  This is such a hard decision because Arri’s health is really great.  Happy, energetic, no apparent pain, eating and sleeping well.  It would be easier if he acted sick but how can I possibly stop trying when clearly he isn’t.

March 14, 2012 6 week follow-up and a new little brother

Outside of leg, March 16

I should have trusted my instincts and went to see my home vet last week.  The tumor on Arri's leg that was present at the start of radiation seems bigger.  It could just be that the swelling in the leg is gone so it appears bigger but it is also very firm.  At one point during treatment, it was very squishy.  I called the oncologist last week to chat but she told the receptionist to tell me to make an appointment.  Wouldn't talk to me without seeing Arri.  So today was our scheduled 6 week follow up.  I pointed out the growth and they did a needle aspiration.  Apparently scar tissue and cancer cells are very similar so they are not 100% positive.  They don't like how firm it is either so Arri is scheduled for surgery on Monday, March 19.  Since it is in an area of radiation tissue, the surgical specialist (ie...really expensive surgeon) will be performing the surgery.  It will done in Canton so that means a 2.5 hour drive to drop Arri off and then come home.  They want to keep him overnight so I will drive back on Tuesday to pick him up.  All I can say is there better not be a single cancer cell after this surgery.  I could have 3 surgeries at my vet for the price of this one.


After the drive to Canton for this follow-up visit, Arri, Teva and I proceeded down to Delaware, OH to attend puppy class at the North Central Center of CCI and pick up the new puppy.  The puppies teeth are nice and sharp, maybe he can just gnaw off the tumor.  Just kidding, sort of.  The new puppy is Oregon.  He is a male, lab golden cross and utterly adorable.

Oregon

March 6, 2012: who needs hair gel...

Arri has some goofy quirks.  One of them has to do with taking a shower.  While he loves swimming in the lake, he really has no interest in a bath.  He primary goal for entering the shower is ...soap.  We learned very early on that no bar of soap was safe.  When he was still in the CCI program, he would go to hotels with us.  The first thing he did was go into the bathroom and grab the soap off the tub.   While he never was able to eat a whole bar, he has been successful in a good mouthful.  It is the same with every house he enters.  Find the bathroom and check out the soap.  You would think this would make him sick but it doesn't he has never had any ill effects.  In fact, he breath is temporarily better.

Now that he is free to bathe again, Arri stands at the shower door, waiting for an invitation.  He wants to lick the soap bubbles off the floor.  The funny thing is, it is only people soap he likes.  When he gets a bath, he does not want that soap.  He is loves the shampoo and the conditioner drives him mad.  When my hair is wet, he just wants to run his nose through it. Who needs hair gel.  Dog slobber is free and has great hold when dry.