Feb 26: vampires aren't afraid of the sun

Yesterday was a beautiful sunny, winter day.  Clear blue skies and just warm enough to be melting snow without making mush of the front yard.

Arri has an appointment with the vampire on this beautiful day. Woo Hoo  A car ride!!!!!  It is time for the 7 day post chemo blood check.  He was happy to see everybody - even the annoying, ankle biting barkers that mom wanted to duct tape their mouths shut.  Thanks to the tile floor, Arri went grudgingly to the back where the vampire waited.  Yes, I was pushing his rear and he had no traction so he ended up where he needed to be.  Back in the room with me, he bounced as though nothing had happened.

We seem to be balancing out his food even with the challenges.  He has gained a pound since the last visit to this scale and that puts him at 57 lbs.....right on target.  The office has a new scale that they put in one of the exam rooms.  For some reason, Arri loves to lay on the scale.  Every visit, he jumps on and off the scale and ultimately he decides that is the best place to lay.

 Dr. Mike came in and we chatted about how he was doing.  He looked at the biopsy spot and gave us some antibiotics just to be on the cautious side.  I wasn't concerned about the results so I freed up an exam room and went to check out.  While distracting the ladies at the front desk, the results came back.  They were not great.  His counts were low.  Not unexpected and not so low to be of concern but lower than we had seen previously.  The new medicine had a much stronger effect on Arri.  The results are basically a base line to see how he rebounds.  In two weeks, they will do the test again and if the numbers are up, he will be able to have the next chemo.  If they do not come up, he will not likely have a treatment.

As much as I hate to do it, I had to put the donut on him.  He was licking his incision from the biopsy relentlessly.  The incision was not bleeding, but he had caused a bleeding lick wound right next to it.  He seems to be bleeding very easily.  The growth in his ear also weeps very easily.  We have also noticed Arri is getting clumsy.  His back leg frequently stumbles in the past few days.  It may be from minimized exercise.  He has not been to the park in a week.  It may be weakness from not feeling well. Or it may be a long term weakness.  His breathing is pretty steady.  Not getting any worse anyway.  Dr. Mike thought he was doing incredibly well.  He agreed that not doing the chest tap last week was a good choice.  If he is not laboring to breathe, don't risk it.

I got the camera out and tormented Arri again.  I am certain he is not happy to be a captive subject.  He can only run so far before he gets winded and has to rest.  That is when I swoop in with the camera.  I was able to get some nice pictures of the donut boy because he is so food obsessed right now. I just have to move a hand towards my pocket and his head turns and ears perk up.

Cookies in your pocket?

Cookie above the camera

Why do you keep putting the camera under  my chin?

More odd body part photos...one more growth under the chin

Feb 25: meatloaf and morning sickness

Thurs, Feb 21:  If I didn't know better, I would think Arri was pregnant.  He has morning sickness and tires easily.  It is quite disappointing that that is not the issue.  Arri puppies would be great!

After 2 days of decent eating, Arri went completely off food of any kind.  He turned his nose up on everything.  Not even cookies or meatloaf would tempt him.  The odd thing was that every time I walked near him, he gave me the 'got food?' look.  I would offer and he would snub it. We have seen this before so I wasn't concerned just yet.  I gave him 24 hours to be sick and then if he still wouldn't take food, I would shove an appetite stimulant down his throat.  Since he is not even trying to put food in his mouth, this would have to be the method.

 It wasn't until late in the morning that he ate a hamburger and a few cookies. Two hours later, he was refusing food again and had not had a drink all day.  He ate a little more burger and cookies in the late afternoon.  But refused anything again a few hours later.  Right about bed time - for Arri - 8:30, he ate some more burger and finally had a little water.  Overall, he ate one healthy sized meal of burger and cookies.

Fri, Feb 22:  Today I will see if I can get an appetite stimulant in him.  This morning, he ate 3 cookies and 3 'if I must' bites of canned food.  It is a slight improvement but clearly he is still going to be finicky and his stomach just isn't quite right.  He refused all food until 10:30 am at which point he felt well enough for some burger again.  I suppose I need to make him a meatloaf because it has some extra vegis in it.

He is having some toileting issues at the moment.  Considering the how little water he is drinking, he is still peeing just fine.  Too dark in color but that will get better when he is eating better and I can add more water to his food. His other end isn't working right.  That is one of the possible side effects of the medicine.  He is a little too soft.  I will be picking up some medicine to help that later.  It was a good thing I was on the phone with the vets office because I couldn't help rolling my eyes and smiling when they suggested a low residue diet.  As his chemo happened elsewhere, I can't expect them to know what is going on so I remind them that he is currently refusing to eat anything but hamburger.  They send home some complimentary low residue food to try when we picked up his medicine. : )   They take such good care of my 'kids'.

Look into my eyes......you want to give me cookies....

Sat & Sun:  The appetite stimulant has kicked in so Arri will now pretty much eat anything and is begging for everything.  He wants to make up for lost meals.   With Arri eating meatloaf, eukenuba, baby food and cookies all day, we have developed some issues with the other dogs.  They have been given a few too many sympathy treats and have started begging or maybe demanding is more accurate   As of Sunday, they have been banned from treats unless being put in their kennel.    Oregon has been the worst and has his own story.

Oregon:  For months now we have been battling the clock with Oregon.  We are of the opinion that toileting does not need to happen between 10 pm and 5 am give or take.  Oregon often thinks 10pm, 2 am, 4, am and 6 am work well for his schedule.  Despite the time difference, we have made progress in that he will now whine to let me know what time it is.  We went through a phase where his signal was to go and then wait until the smell wafted over and woke me up gagging.

 We have tried digestive medicine that worked for a short time.  Then we added probiotics to his food and that worked until we took him off it to see what would happen.   I finally tried to switch him to a new food.  Well, that backfired spectacularly.   Ok, it could have been much, much worse, but either way, it failed.  We were switching from Eukenuba to Science Diet.  I have never had a problem with Science Diet.  Oregon did fine during the transition period.  He ate his first full Science Diet meal and I thought all was well.  The next morning, he refused to eat.  He didn't refuse all food,  he walked away from his and tried to get Arri's meatloaf.  I guard Arri when he eats so Oregon didn't have a chance.  After refusing to eat several times, Tim gave him a bowl of Eukenuba and he ate without hesitation.  Ok, Science Diet is out.  Thankfully, Tim had picked up the smallest bag.   I mix the Science Diet with the bin of Euk. so we use it up. Oregon refused the mixed food.  It seemed that if he smelled the Science Diet, he would not eat it.    This boy is going to get really hungry.  I am not picking out the Science Diet and he will not be getting treats to make up for the missed meal.  At this point, the appetite stimulant had kicked in and Arri was happily eating everthing so he ate Oregon's food.  Oregon won the battle so that I finally diluted the food bin with more Eukenuba and now Oregon tolerates his meals.  Maybe he understood what the goal was because he has not asked to go out in the wee hours since the experiment.  Woo Hoo a week of mostly undisturbed sleep.  We won't count Arri waking me up with labored breathing because we are just happy to hear him breathe.

Feb 20: chemo 3 follow up

Arri is responding better than after the first chemo but not as good as the second.  I am not surprised by this.  He received a new drug so I was expecting him to be a little off his appetite anyway.  He is not terribly off.  He does not want his kibble but will eat canned food.  He is only eating 1/2 meals so I am offering him small meals every few hours.  Of course he still loves his Old Mother Hubbard cookies.  He sent them an e-mail thanking them for making such yummy treats and they are sending him a coupon for more.  That is nice because we are running low.

He continues to have the coughing/gagging episodes and too much exertion taxes his breathing.  All expected since I did not have his chest drained.  We have to go in for blood work on Monday and if necessary, we will drain fluid off then.

I had to make him wear the donut yesterday.  He started licking his incision sites.  He has one one his belly and one on his hind leg.  The one on his leg annoys me a bit.  He has bumps all over his body and they choose to cut into his only back leg.   He is doing much better today but yesterday, it clearly pained him when he hopped and toileting was a challenge.

punch biopsy off his belly

the growth on his ear...he scratches and so it bleeds regularly.

I have started to fret again so it is time to do a brain dump.  I need to get the concerns out of my head for awhile.  I know the answer will come, I just have to stop focusing on it.   There are just too many 'what if's' at the moment.   We made it through graduation just fine, what could possibly be on my mind now?    Vacation.  That is what.  We already cancelled a trip to Florida.  Now, our big vacation is in question.  It is a bucket list trip to Alaska.  It is in May.

In reviewing Arri's discharge paperwork from the hospital, I noticed for the first time that there was a prognosis statement.  With chemo treatments, the average dog survives 3 - 4 months.  This is an average - could be longer, could be shorter.  We are already over a month in.  May puts us over the 5 month point.  As well as Arri is doing he could reach this point.

There is no way I could stop treatment just because I want to go on vacation.  There is also no way I can put this kind of burden on a sitter for 2 weeks.  Looking at the calendar, Arri would be due for chemo and blood work while we were gone.

Of course, it could be a non-issue.  We may lose him before that.  The problem is that payment is due in full next week.  We bought trip insurance and I just learned that pets are not covered.  I guess I should have checked that before now.  Of course, Arri was not sick when we booked the trip.  He had just been declared cancer free.  So now I am waiting to hear what would happen if we canceled the trip right now.  I don't want to.  I am stuck between and trip and a paw place.  Continue with our plans, knowing 3 months is a long time for things to change?  The best case would be we go on the trip and Arri is healthy enough for me to leave him.  

I think I will go hug on my boy and pray about it for awhile.  The answer will come, I just need to stop trying to control it.

Feb 18: Chemo #3

Today was another very long day.  Arri needed to be at MSU Vet Hospital between 8 and 8:30 am so we hit the road before 6 am.  Today he is supposed to be having a chest x-ray, maybe an ultrasound and a chemo treatment.

We arrive on time and Arri gets called back fairly quickly.  We review his new lumps and bumps as well as his current breathing issues.  I am told they might not do chemo if the lumps and bumps turn out to have metastasized from his internal tumors.  This... I was not expecting.  I was thinking more drugs or different drugs. I take a second to digest that thought and decide I'll roll with it and see what happens.  The technician lets me know the Dr will talk to me around noon and see how we proceed - based on the test results.  Well, I was wondering how long this appointment would last.  At least 4 hours.

Arri goes in the back and I settle in for a long winters nap.

It has only been an hour and I am restless.  Since I know they will not be in touch for awhile, there is no point in planting myself in a chair.  I was excited to look online and find a yarn shop just 2 miles away.  I pack up and check out this college town.   The shop had not opened yet so I parked and wandered up and down the 'strip'.  It was not yet 10am and it was pretty lifeless.  Guess they don't do early classes.  I finally wandered to the yarn shop only to see a sign on the door for new hours - Closed on Monday.  Nice....update your website please.

I drove around a bit more, found a strip mall with craft stores and a Panera and amused myself for a little while.  Eventually I found myself back at the hospital waiting area and planted myself with a book.  

The Doctor called around 12:15 to let me know what was going on.  I guess they forgot I said I would be sticking around.  Easier to call than walk down to the waiting area.  That is one thing I noticed with the oncology side of the hospital; they don't do talks in rooms or offices.  They just talk to you out in the lobby, regardless of how many people are around.  Odd.  I certainly hope if they have bad/unexpected news, they do move it elsewhere.

So much information was thrown out there.  The BB's do appear to be sarcoma.  This is curious because they were working on the idea that the internal cancer was carsinoma.  It would be highly unusual for a dog to have two different kinds of cancer.  So now the thought is that he has disseminated histiocytic sarcoma which has no 'typical' presentation.  If I understood correctly, it can show under microscope as anything it wants.  Arri's slides did show multiple kinds of cells.  They did not consider histiocytic sarcoma previously because Labs rarely get it.  It is more common in Bernese Mountain dogs and Flat coated retrievers.   She also said the internal cancer has progressed so they want to change the chemo drug.  I was surprised by this because he was doing so much better.  I guess how he feels/behaves has nothing to do with what the cancer is doing.   So instead of Carboplatin he would be getting Adriamycin.  This drug tends to cause heart damage over time so we can only have 6 treatments using it.  Once every 3 weeks.

They also wanted to get better samples of the BB's that have grown.   The reason being, if they get better samples they can test specifically for the histiocytic sarcoma.   If they confirm that diagnosis, then they would change to a different chemo drug that is effective for that type of cancer. She started out with saying removing the tumors = surgery.  I was not keen on this and she must have sensed it over the phone.  In early January, they made a big deal of the growths in his lungs and not wanting to sedate and compromise his breathing.  So no, if he is getting worse, I really don't want surgery.  I am offered another option - he is already under mild sedation from the x-ray/ultrasound.  They would give him a little more with a local anesthetic and do a 'punch' biopsy.  They don't remove the whole tumor - just take a part of it.  It meant a slight incision and a few stitches.  As well as another shaved body section.  The poor boy will never have a full body of fur again.  It never gets a chance to grow all the way back.

He did have some fluid in his chest.  We considered having it drained but decided against it.  She did not think it was a sizable amount.  I decided to monitor his breathing and if need be, our home vet can drain it.

He finally comes out around 3:45.  LONG day.  He is still drugged and is having a hard time focusing and standing.  We just make it outside to toilet.  Poor boy couldn't even stand for that - he sat down before he was done.  Glad I travel with paper towel in the car.  I could clean up his tush. Back inside to get some final information from the Dr - and to finally talk to her face to face.  It will be 3 - 5 days before the biopsy tests come back.  He will have blood work in a week and if all is well, we will do this again in 3 weeks.  Hopefully, only an x-ray and chemo then.

Before we left, I offered him half of his dinner.  He ate just fine.  Arri cried on the way home.  I hate that. I know it is not the result of pain but the sedation medicine.  Still, I just want to snuggle next to him until it wears off.  Unfortunately I couldn't, someone had to drive.  He continued to cry for a while when we got home.  I offered him a cheesy pain pill but he refused.  We might have a few difficult days ahead.  It is supposed to get down into the single digits tonight.  The cold will not be great for his breathing.

Feb 16: We survived Feb 15!

Wow!  What a day yesterday.  North Central Region of Canine Companions for Independence graduation

It started at 2:30 with Oregon singing the song of an upset stomach.  Not exactly what I would choose for my morning alarm but it is very effective for getting one out of bed.  Not sure if it was a result of the new food he is transitioning to, or the early morning hungries and he needs more dinner or a later dinner.  More trial and error in the future.

4:30 am:  Oregon had another visit from Uppy Chucky.

5:30 am:  time to get moving.  I have to get the animals fed and watered and the car loaded before 6:40 departure.  I have to load up with alot of fruit and vegis to avoid the fast food trap.  I gave up 'white' food for lent (sugar, white flour, white potatoes  rice) so no fries or burger buns on this trip.

6:40 am:  It is time for the dreaded loading dogs in car.  Arri wants to go.  I had a brilliant idea last night - Once I got the 3 musketeers in the garage, I would lure Arri away from the door with a peanut butter stuffed bone.  Allowing me to grab coat, purse, etc and get out the door with out him giving me the abandonment look.  It worked!!!!  It was still hard to leave but it went much easier than I feared.  Grandma and Grandpa will be over in the middle of the day to hang out for a few hours.

There is an inch of fresh snow on the ground, it is snowing very hard and the roads are a mess.  I know it is only lake effect snow but lake effect can extend 60 miles and actually be worse farther from the lake.  They are predicting 8 inches today.  I will not worry that grandma and grandpa can make the drive over.  The roads will be fine in a few hours.

I drop Glamis and Summer at day care.  Glamis is thrilled and gallops around the room.  Summer shoves her face through the fence and gives me the abandoned look.  I am just so cruel.  She will be fine once I leave.

6:55 am:  Oregon and I are officially on the way to the CCI graduation in Columbus, OH.  Woo Hoo!!!  The roads are miserable.  White out conditions and unable to see any paint marks on the road. I only drive off the edge of the road once, spending a minute fairly out of control before recovering. Ok, I will slow down a bit more.   God, Please don't let this weather continue for very long.

As I approach the ramp to I-80, the roads are not great, better, but not great.  It is still snowing.  Knowing I-80 has a reputation for horrible, multi-car pile ups, I continue south, to US-30, hoping the roads get better.  They do.  It is still snowing but not accumulating and the roads are pretty dry.  After that, the drive was fine - right up until.....

the human road block.  I was within 40 minutes of my destination and suddenly, I could not go straight.  some people in florescent vests were directing traffic off the main road.  Great.  I am in the middle of farm country with no idea of where to go once I am off my main route.  Thankfully, I am a sucker for buying items that come with free stuff.  When I bought my smart phone, I was debating between two models.  One came with free stuff, the other didn't.  Guess which one I bought?  Yep - this one came with a hands free car adapter.  I plugged the phone in and brought up the navigation program.  woo hoo!!!!!  back on track

I arrive with 5 minutes to spare.

12:00:  Time to love on Teva!!!!   I get 30 minutes to love on Teva before I meet his partner, Jena.  I would like to say Teva was thrilled to see me but Oregon was there so I wasn't his primary focus.  I did eventually get his attention and got some love and hugs and pictures.   He was so soft and fluffy.  And he looked so handsome in the beautiful blue vest!!!




12:30:  Teva and Oregon are sequestered while I go meet Jena and her family.  Jena is a beautiful, young, college age woman.  I just loved her from the start.  Her mom and brother were there and they are so nice.  I think I will keep them.  CCI has done it again.  They made a great match and I am thrilled with the family Teva has gone to.

2:00:  Graduation ceremony...As I entered the room to find a seat, Jena's mom caught my attention.  She had saved a seat for me.  Up until then, I really had not gotten emotional.  That choked me up a bit. Teva is actually Jena's Successor Service Dog.  Her first dog passed away last year.  I could see the emotion for her and her family as past and present met during the ceremony.  Teva brings with him the medicine to mend a broken heart.  In time, the past will be remembered with joy and not tears.  Teva's fur will gladly absorb the tears until that time comes.  I was so proud to be able to hand over the leash.  Teva is a great dog and he went to a wonderful young lady. Wishing them many, many happy years together.

Post graduation was a whirl. So many people I saw from afar but didn't get to say hello to.  Congratulations to the other graduates and hugs to those who turned in their pups.  Every tear shed is worth it.

Meanwhile - back in Michigan - Arri's sitters arrived.  He went out, came in, went out.  Barked at every car that went by.  He got a bit too excited when the UPS man came by and needed to be calmed.  LOVED his lunch of Eukenuba and boiled potato.  I am sure he would have preferred Grandma's gyro but he ate what was offered to him.  He enjoyed the company and Grandma and Grandpa had a nice afternoon with  them.   Even Freckles the cat joined in the fun by settling on Grandma's chest while she tried to nap and then moving over to Grandpa while he tried to read.  She has now claimed them as hers.

The report from day care was that Summer was fine until other parents started to pick up their kids.  At that point she planted herself and stared at the door waiting for her daddy to pick her up.  She is such a princess. Having recently learned that my own mom quit work when I started going to day care because I cried so much, I guess Summer takes after her mother.

The drive home was uneventful, if you consider missing  my turn and having the phone direct me on every back road in Ohio prior to getting me back on the road I needed, uneventful.  Once back on the right road, I knew the way home without assistance.  That was a really good thing because the navigation system drained my phone battery dry.

I fully expected to hit a wall of snow when I reached South Bend but the roads were dry.  And they stayed that way.  All the snow happened as I was leaving that morning and melted away by evening.   I was home by 9:00 pm.    What and exhausting but great day!

Feb 14: Arri love ;)

Happy Valentine's Day!

Feb 12: Separation anxiety follow up

Friday ended up ok.  I worked the afternoon and evening without the dogs around.  It turns out, all the dogs were a little unhappy about that.  When I finally emerged from the dungeon and sat in front of my chair on the floor - I had to as my chair was occupied by a princess.  Oregon was the first to flop across my legs and leaned up against my chest.  Summer was not going to give up her seat so she wrapped her head around my shoulders like a scarf.  When they were securely velcroed to me, Arri plastered himself against my side.  There was no room for Glamis but that was ok as he preferred to do the happy dance dribbling a ball around the room.

My Saturdays are always very busy and stressful and the dogs are accustomed the the 'go away' command.  They give me some space or suffer the consequences of someone with a very short fuse.  In the evening I go into shutdown mode and we just veg in front of the TV.

Sunday, Arri blocked the door when it was time for church.  He is such a stinker.  We have gone a few days without any coughing/gagging but today it started again.  A bit more severe than anything we have seen in a month.  Arri still wants to go to the park and it doesn't seem to trigger any breathing issues so he is allowed to go once a day.  For the most part, the coughing happens in the evening/night.  A few more BB's have been found.  He has a larger one growing on his chin.  It is the size of a pea.  Considering the number of them I have found, only 4 have grown.

Today is day 6 of my separation anxiety program.  For the most part, it is going ok.  It is only 7 am and we have already had an issue today.  For at least a week, we have been dealing with Oregon needing to toilet between 3 and 4 am.  It doesn't matter if he went at midnight, he goes around 4, again at 5 and usually again around 6.  For the last few days, I have been unable to get back to sleep after this lovely interruption to sleep.  Today, I gave up and decided to go to the gym at 5 am.  I would feed the dogs when I got back.  I had no reason to think this would be a problem but when I got home, Tim was up and all the dogs were outside and had already had breakfast.  Arri cried and whined when I left and got Tim up.  Have I mentioned, he is a stinker - Arri that is.

I went to take a shower and Arri stood by the door expectantly.  I invited him in but he just stood there.  I tried to close the door and he blocked me.  He finally came into the bathroom with me and laid down in the closet.  He used to do this every morning so it was nice to have his company again.  I had a feeling about his motives and I was right.  He just wanted to snort my hair.  Arri has always had a weird fettish with my hair conditioner.  Before my hair is dry, I lean over to let him run his snout through my damp hair.  You would think this stuff was catnip.  He just goes all silly, dancing, sneezing and repeatedly running his face through my hair. This morning I got a glimpse of the young Arri.  Of course, now that he is fed, watered and had a snort of conditioner, he is back in bed sleeping - along with everyone else.  Oregon is at my feet snoring to wake the dead.  I guess I need to go to work.

Feb 8: A lesson in writing

So I proved my own theory perfectly yesterday.   By writing down all my options I was able to free some space in my brain for other things.

What I learned was:
1.  My CCI family is absolutely incredible.  Not only did they offer up other options but I was offered a place to stay,  Arri was offered a place to stay, dogs were offered to keep Arri company.  It blows my mind.  and brought tears to my eyes.  Thank you!!!  You are the best.

2.  I was able to step back and get a fresh perspective.  Unless something significant changes medically, Arri will stay home alone on graduation day and have a Grandma and Grandpa (aka my parents) hang out with him for a few hours.

3.  I also came to some light bulb moment observations, namely:

             Arri's mother is a bit nuts and should be medicated.  Some of you already were aware of
              this but were too kind to say it to me.

             Arri will be perfectly fine staying home alone.  He is a big boy.

             Arri's mother is the one suffering from separation anxiety - not Arri - although he is the one
             that follows me around the house.  Mom just has a hard time leaving him.  Again, many
            of you  recognized this already but were too kind to slap me upside the head and tell me to
            get a grip.  I consider myself head slapped.

4.  I have started the 8 step (day) program for temporarily dealing with my separation anxiety.
                Step 1:  The roughly 2 hr round trip cookie delivery yesterday was done alone.  I had
                             every  intention of taking Arri with for the ride but I didn't.
               Step 2:  Work in the bakery for 1/2 a day  - gating the stairs so Arri can not follow me
                             down.   Pretend Arri is alone and that Tim is not really upstairs with him.  Do not
                            check  on him every hour.
               Step 3:  Go to the bridal show on Saturday without guilt.  Somebody's gotta make the
                            donuts (cake) around here.  Again - pretending Tim is not home with Arri which
                            he will be.
                Step 4:  Go to church on Sunday without guilt because Arri wants to go with.  Sneak out
                            another door if necessary to avoid the guilt he will throw at me.
                Step 5 - 8:  spend the day with Arri since the first 4 days were just too much time away : )

This is one instance where working from home just isn't the best thing.  If I worked outside the home, leaving them home for long hours would be routine.  Surely if a couple million dogs survive this process daily, mine will.   For the most part, I can count on the house not burning down but I just might find something torn to shreds as a welcome home gift. (not really because they don't get free roam of the house, but then again, kennel pads make great confetti)

Today is step 2 and I have already found a need to go upstairs for one reason or another 3 times in 2 hours.  Maybe I need an intervention?

Feb 7: Someone - Please turn off my brain

Apparently it is time to start fretting and over thinking things again.  I have a dilemma that is more than likely emotional over logical.

In 9 days, I will make a long day trip to Canine Companions for Independence North Central Region to attend graduation.  Could I skip it?  Yes, but I am not going to.  You see, Teva, my 11th puppy to raise for CCI is going to graduate.  Teva has found his new partner in life.  This is my chance to meet her, hand over the leash at the ceremony and say good-bye to Teva.   This is not an opportunity to miss.  Not all service dog organizations do this for their volunteers.  I can not express how much I appreciate CCI for acknowledging that there are heart strings attached to these pups.  I get the chance to celebrate the success of both graduate and dog and I get a bit of closure for the relationship I have had with Teva.  It is up to the graduate if we ever have contact again.

Teva - our last night together - May 2012

Oh my, I need to take a little trip off the path and go on a rant here.  To those people who have ruined it for the rest of us - KNOCK IT OFF!  Although that is said too late and little can be done.  Years ago, we would learn the name - first AND last of the graduate.  We even knew where they were from.  Now, you might get the state.  But because some people couldn't let go or make boundaries, the rest of us suffer the consequences.  Thanks to the internet, people can be found with just the basics.  And some have not respected the graduates choice to stay private.  Rumor has it that graduates are warned not to to give any personal information so that they can not be found.  I am not saying this because I want to find anyone but some idiots have stalked and harassed others, ruining opportunities for others.   I am one of those odd people who, when I watch the weather, I think about the people I know who live there.  You may not talk to me for months or years but if I know what city you live in, you can know that your name has crossed my mind when I watch the weather channel.  I don't need a new best friend.  But like all mothers, when the kids get married and move on, we like to know all is well.  Even if the kid is a dog.

Ok, I've said my peace.  I go into graduation knowing this is good-bye to Teva.  I wish them all the best in the world and hope that they will say hello sometime.  To people who ask 'how can you give them up?'   My answer:  I love this pup with all my heart.  He is going to someone who needs him and is very capable of loving him just as much as I did - quite possibly even more.

So with tears being shed for the up coming good-bye - gotta get them out now so I can enjoy that day - my thoughts return to my dilemma:  What to do with Arri that day?   Tim has to work so Summer and Glamis will go to daycare.  Oregon will go with to graduation.  Arri - what to do?  Normally, he would do daycare also.  They problem is...he has started coughing again - just a bit.  But in 9 days, it could be worse.  Getting him all excited and playing won't be good.  Will he limit his play and rest? - I sure hope so but if he doesn't will daycare limit him for his own benefit?  If he does rest, will other dogs get in his face, making him the  "i don't feel good, back off', mean, snarly dog? I know daycare monitors that closely - I've seen it - but I can't go in knowing it might be an issue.  I also don't really want to scare them with the ...'by the way - if he gets too ramped up, you may have to take him to the hospital.'

Option 2 is to take him to Grandma and Grandpa's.  He would feel abandoned initially but eventually find a spot to lay down and wait.  Taking him out with the ice covered snow might not be good.  He will be fine if he does his normal home routine - step 3 feet out the door and pee on the 8" baby evergreen....I hope that tree lives - go back in the house.  But, new location = new smells and a possible desire to wander. On three legs, that boy is fast.  Hooking a leash on him won't help if the roads are icy.  He has traction no one else has. The other thing is that I would have to drop him off before 7 am.  A bit early for them.

Option 3- leave him at home and have someone come by and check on him.  I can't remember when he has been left completely alone for any period of time in the last 7 years at least.  Another dog - usually Summer -  has always been with him.  Will he have a hard time being alone? or will his reduced hearing, vision, and senior moments allow him to just pass the day waiting at the door, unaware no other dog is around?   This is probably what I will do but it also has issues.  Ideally, his sitter can stay for an hour or so just to keep him company. Pick up lunch (Mr Gyro's), bring it over, eat, read a book, watch the weather channel, take a nap...hint, hint....grandma? grandpa?.......

Option 4 is to take him with me.  He can sit in the car and I can check on him a few times during breaks in the action.  If Tim were joining me, this is what we would do without thinking about it.  But with it just being me and having Oregon and wanting to spend time with Teva, it isn't a very practical option.   This is the 'mom doesn't want to be away from her boy' option.

Whew...it is no wonder I am tired.  My brain just won't stop.  Now that I have my options removed from my cerebral cortex, I can drop it for a while.  Pick it up in a day or so with a different perspective.  Writing things down, really does allow me to drop it.  If I need to pick it back up, I have it and can incorporate new insights.  But if I just needed to let it go, it is gone, no longer occupying space in my head.

Feb 5: Snow and more snow

We have been doing a lot of snow shoveling lately.  A week ago it was in the 50's with no snow and now we have shoveled well over a foot.  The sun is out and has melted the driveway.  I could have predicted all this snow as we were supposed to be in Florida this week.  We cancelled the trip not knowing how Arri would do.  Physically, he probably would have been fine but mentally, it was a question.  He has been so attached to me, I didn't want to make him sick because we left.  Yes, I also would have been sick and unable to enjoy the trip if I had left him.

On Saturday we went to my parents house to shovel them out. We had 10 inches of snow in 24 hours.  Arri came with.  The street had been plowed so we parked there and started to work.  We left the van door open and Arri laid there watching.  He didn't show any interest in getting out to visit Grandma and Grandpa....at least, not until Grandpa opened the door to the house.  I don't think Arri believed they were home.  He got excited then and ran into the house - going straight for the cookie jar.  Grandma reported that once he got his cookie, he went on a search and rescue mission to save any tissues that were accidentally thrown in the trash.   When we were done, we went inside to chat.  Arri would not leave my side.  He stayed within 3 feet of me.  I think he was afraid we were going to leave without him.

Sunday again, we had to wrestle Arri out of the way so we could go to church.  He is not at all happy with being left behind.  For years, when we put on our coats to go anywhere, he would run right into the bedroom and lay on the bed.  We never had any arguments from him.  He got his cookie and slept the whole time we were gone.  Those days are long gone.

Have a sweep a path through the yard

Monday morning, we were back and Grandma and Grandpa's to shovel again.  We had 5 more inches with the prediction of 3 - 4 more.  This time, Glamis joined Arri.  Glamis was more than happy to go in the house.  By the time I opened the door for Arri to go in, I could hear that Glamis had found his way into Grandma and Grandpa's bedroom.  He surprised them as they had not heard us arrive.  Nothing like a cold, wet nose to wake you up in the morning.  I won't rat them out and say how late in the morning it was to find them still in bed but I can assure you it was not the crack of dawn.

Arri, Summer, Oregon & Glamis - Feb 5

As far as his health, Arri is doing well.  He moves around well - even in the deep snow.  I have only found one new BB in the last few days.  This one is on his chin.  None of them seem to be growing at this point but they also are not disappearing.   He has started with the cough/gag again.  Only once or twice a day but still, that tells me, something in his chest has started to grow again.  His next visit to MSU will be on Feb 18.  It will be an impatient wait if the coughing increases.

Feb 1: Visit to the vampire

It has been 7 days since the second chemo treatment and that means a visit to the vampire.  He conned the ladies at the front desk for who knows how many treats before he was even called back.  He knows how to work the system.   Arri was good about going back with the tech and he even peed for her.  Yes, they wanted him to because they needed to test that also.  The results were all good.  One level was outside the normal range on the low side but not so low that it was a concern.  Arri was his happy, dorky, clumsy self the whole visit.  Yes, he got treats from the Doctor and more from the front desk on his way out.

Jan 31: Happy 14th Birthday

14 Years ago, I didn't know you existed. 

I had just applied to be a puppy raiser for 

Canine Companions for Independence.

 One year ago, you were on treatment 17 of 18 for a nerve sheath sarcoma in your hind leg.

3 weeks ago I was planning your funeral.  We were hoping to keep you comfortable but didn't expect you to hang on very long.  You were so very sick that week.

 Today we party!!!

Happy 14th Birthday to my boy.  I never could have guessed the adventure you would take me on.  I am so grateful that the adventure continues.