Why am I writing this?

I have known many, many people who have had their dogs die from cancer. In many cases, the cancer was too far advanced to treat. Of those who did treat, you don't know the details of what they went through. It sounds quite simple when summarized with 'we went though chemo and he lived 2 years'. There is a whole lot more emotion and decisions to be made. Treatment is not always simple.

This blog is my own personal experience. Some days are filled with frustration, others are filled with laughter. If anyone is offended, I can't apologize for my emotions. I typed what I felt at the time. It does not mean I feel the same today. If you want clarification, just ask. No matter my frustrations, I know my vet and oncologist are doing a fantastic job of caring for Arri. He just is not co-operating by being a 'typical' case.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Marching 4th

We continue to take one day at a time.  Arri does not seem to be responding to the last chemo treatment.  He got sick.  He got better and now he is declining.  He is having breathing issues.   A lot more panting, a lot more coughing and gagging.   The coughing bouts are getting stronger and he often ends up on the floor disorientated.  It looks like a head rush.  He just needs the world around him to stop spinning.

After I removed the stitches from the biopsy incisions, Arri decided to use the sidewalk and the stairs (most often) as a loofah.  He tends to lay on the side where the incision was.  The incision healed fine, it was the skin covering the remaining tumor that was so thin it would bleed from just a small licking.  He had a large scab from the lick sore.  So it was not uncommon over the last 3 days to find his belly covered in blood, or blood drops on the floor or on his leg or a trail going down the stairs.  The first time it happened there was so much blood.  I thought he busted the incision open.  It wasn't until I cleaned him up that I figured it out.  Every time he got up to move from one place to another, I checked his side to make sure it was ok.  Otherwise I grabbed a paper towel and walked next to him pressing on the wound until he found the right place to lay.

The BB's continue to multiply.  Some have grown.  I have not been as diligent at tracking them in the past 10 days or so.  He now has 8 just on his face and top of head.  There are just so many and I know we are getting closer to the end.  For a couple of weeks I have been poking at a spot on the back of Arri's head - right behind the left ear.  For the longest time, it felt like a bone - part of the skull. I could never find it on the other side but excused that fact by saying it was because his head was turned a certain way.   I lived in denial about what it was until Saturday.  I finally put a hand behind both ears and compared.  It is hard as bone and immovable   It is no longer the size of the smart bump at the peak of his head.  It doesn't poke out so much as spread down.  At this point I would say it is about 2 inches long, starting mid-ear at the top and moving along and under the ear.  I will point it out at the next Dr visit but there is nothing to do about it.  I would want to know what it was out of curiosity.   If I had Arri growing up, there is a good chance I might have considered becoming a vet.  I want to know what it is, why it is and how to fix it.

So, back to the breathing and coughing....He is worse when he gets excited or exerts himself too much.  Tim has stopped taking him to the park and Arri is not very interested in going.  We are not fighting to get out the door anymore.  He gets up and moves around, he just doesn't go very far before taking a rest break.   His breathing at night has kept us up a good deal.  Maybe because his breathing is shallower, he seems to be having difficulty cooling himself off.   I will bring him the water bowl in the middle of the night and he takes a good drink.  I think that is part of the reason he goes outside as often as he has been, no so much to pee, but to lay on the sidewalk or in the yard.  He cools off his belly and watches the world go by.  The last 3 days he has been eating snow/ice.  That is very odd because he hasn't wanted ice in 8 or 9 years.  Of course, he is also eating dirt - what's with that?   He gnaws at the ground to get the grass out of the way and then goes after the dirt like it is the greatest stuff ever.

Last night I decided to try something the vet suggested back when this all started.  Placing a fan so that the airflow is forcing more air past Arri's face, allowing him to take more in.  I didn't wake up to him panting or coughing all night.  The fan seemed to keep him cool and breathing better.   He was more excited for breakfast this morning.  I didn't feel like he was eating it to make me happy.

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