Feb 7: Someone - Please turn off my brain

Apparently it is time to start fretting and over thinking things again.  I have a dilemma that is more than likely emotional over logical.

In 9 days, I will make a long day trip to Canine Companions for Independence North Central Region to attend graduation.  Could I skip it?  Yes, but I am not going to.  You see, Teva, my 11th puppy to raise for CCI is going to graduate.  Teva has found his new partner in life.  This is my chance to meet her, hand over the leash at the ceremony and say good-bye to Teva.   This is not an opportunity to miss.  Not all service dog organizations do this for their volunteers.  I can not express how much I appreciate CCI for acknowledging that there are heart strings attached to these pups.  I get the chance to celebrate the success of both graduate and dog and I get a bit of closure for the relationship I have had with Teva.  It is up to the graduate if we ever have contact again.

Teva - our last night together - May 2012

Oh my, I need to take a little trip off the path and go on a rant here.  To those people who have ruined it for the rest of us - KNOCK IT OFF!  Although that is said too late and little can be done.  Years ago, we would learn the name - first AND last of the graduate.  We even knew where they were from.  Now, you might get the state.  But because some people couldn't let go or make boundaries, the rest of us suffer the consequences.  Thanks to the internet, people can be found with just the basics.  And some have not respected the graduates choice to stay private.  Rumor has it that graduates are warned not to to give any personal information so that they can not be found.  I am not saying this because I want to find anyone but some idiots have stalked and harassed others, ruining opportunities for others.   I am one of those odd people who, when I watch the weather, I think about the people I know who live there.  You may not talk to me for months or years but if I know what city you live in, you can know that your name has crossed my mind when I watch the weather channel.  I don't need a new best friend.  But like all mothers, when the kids get married and move on, we like to know all is well.  Even if the kid is a dog.

Ok, I've said my peace.  I go into graduation knowing this is good-bye to Teva.  I wish them all the best in the world and hope that they will say hello sometime.  To people who ask 'how can you give them up?'   My answer:  I love this pup with all my heart.  He is going to someone who needs him and is very capable of loving him just as much as I did - quite possibly even more.

So with tears being shed for the up coming good-bye - gotta get them out now so I can enjoy that day - my thoughts return to my dilemma:  What to do with Arri that day?   Tim has to work so Summer and Glamis will go to daycare.  Oregon will go with to graduation.  Arri - what to do?  Normally, he would do daycare also.  They problem is...he has started coughing again - just a bit.  But in 9 days, it could be worse.  Getting him all excited and playing won't be good.  Will he limit his play and rest? - I sure hope so but if he doesn't will daycare limit him for his own benefit?  If he does rest, will other dogs get in his face, making him the  "i don't feel good, back off', mean, snarly dog? I know daycare monitors that closely - I've seen it - but I can't go in knowing it might be an issue.  I also don't really want to scare them with the ...'by the way - if he gets too ramped up, you may have to take him to the hospital.'

Option 2 is to take him to Grandma and Grandpa's.  He would feel abandoned initially but eventually find a spot to lay down and wait.  Taking him out with the ice covered snow might not be good.  He will be fine if he does his normal home routine - step 3 feet out the door and pee on the 8" baby evergreen....I hope that tree lives - go back in the house.  But, new location = new smells and a possible desire to wander. On three legs, that boy is fast.  Hooking a leash on him won't help if the roads are icy.  He has traction no one else has. The other thing is that I would have to drop him off before 7 am.  A bit early for them.

Option 3- leave him at home and have someone come by and check on him.  I can't remember when he has been left completely alone for any period of time in the last 7 years at least.  Another dog - usually Summer -  has always been with him.  Will he have a hard time being alone? or will his reduced hearing, vision, and senior moments allow him to just pass the day waiting at the door, unaware no other dog is around?   This is probably what I will do but it also has issues.  Ideally, his sitter can stay for an hour or so just to keep him company. Pick up lunch (Mr Gyro's), bring it over, eat, read a book, watch the weather channel, take a nap...hint, hint....grandma? grandpa?.......

Option 4 is to take him with me.  He can sit in the car and I can check on him a few times during breaks in the action.  If Tim were joining me, this is what we would do without thinking about it.  But with it just being me and having Oregon and wanting to spend time with Teva, it isn't a very practical option.   This is the 'mom doesn't want to be away from her boy' option.

Whew...it is no wonder I am tired.  My brain just won't stop.  Now that I have my options removed from my cerebral cortex, I can drop it for a while.  Pick it up in a day or so with a different perspective.  Writing things down, really does allow me to drop it.  If I need to pick it back up, I have it and can incorporate new insights.  But if I just needed to let it go, it is gone, no longer occupying space in my head.