Feb 7: Someone - Please turn off my brain

Apparently it is time to start fretting and over thinking things again.  I have a dilemma that is more than likely emotional over logical.

In 9 days, I will make a long day trip to Canine Companions for Independence North Central Region to attend graduation.  Could I skip it?  Yes, but I am not going to.  You see, Teva, my 11th puppy to raise for CCI is going to graduate.  Teva has found his new partner in life.  This is my chance to meet her, hand over the leash at the ceremony and say good-bye to Teva.   This is not an opportunity to miss.  Not all service dog organizations do this for their volunteers.  I can not express how much I appreciate CCI for acknowledging that there are heart strings attached to these pups.  I get the chance to celebrate the success of both graduate and dog and I get a bit of closure for the relationship I have had with Teva.  It is up to the graduate if we ever have contact again.

Teva - our last night together - May 2012

Oh my, I need to take a little trip off the path and go on a rant here.  To those people who have ruined it for the rest of us - KNOCK IT OFF!  Although that is said too late and little can be done.  Years ago, we would learn the name - first AND last of the graduate.  We even knew where they were from.  Now, you might get the state.  But because some people couldn't let go or make boundaries, the rest of us suffer the consequences.  Thanks to the internet, people can be found with just the basics.  And some have not respected the graduates choice to stay private.  Rumor has it that graduates are warned not to to give any personal information so that they can not be found.  I am not saying this because I want to find anyone but some idiots have stalked and harassed others, ruining opportunities for others.   I am one of those odd people who, when I watch the weather, I think about the people I know who live there.  You may not talk to me for months or years but if I know what city you live in, you can know that your name has crossed my mind when I watch the weather channel.  I don't need a new best friend.  But like all mothers, when the kids get married and move on, we like to know all is well.  Even if the kid is a dog.

Ok, I've said my peace.  I go into graduation knowing this is good-bye to Teva.  I wish them all the best in the world and hope that they will say hello sometime.  To people who ask 'how can you give them up?'   My answer:  I love this pup with all my heart.  He is going to someone who needs him and is very capable of loving him just as much as I did - quite possibly even more.

So with tears being shed for the up coming good-bye - gotta get them out now so I can enjoy that day - my thoughts return to my dilemma:  What to do with Arri that day?   Tim has to work so Summer and Glamis will go to daycare.  Oregon will go with to graduation.  Arri - what to do?  Normally, he would do daycare also.  They problem is...he has started coughing again - just a bit.  But in 9 days, it could be worse.  Getting him all excited and playing won't be good.  Will he limit his play and rest? - I sure hope so but if he doesn't will daycare limit him for his own benefit?  If he does rest, will other dogs get in his face, making him the  "i don't feel good, back off', mean, snarly dog? I know daycare monitors that closely - I've seen it - but I can't go in knowing it might be an issue.  I also don't really want to scare them with the ...'by the way - if he gets too ramped up, you may have to take him to the hospital.'

Option 2 is to take him to Grandma and Grandpa's.  He would feel abandoned initially but eventually find a spot to lay down and wait.  Taking him out with the ice covered snow might not be good.  He will be fine if he does his normal home routine - step 3 feet out the door and pee on the 8" baby evergreen....I hope that tree lives - go back in the house.  But, new location = new smells and a possible desire to wander. On three legs, that boy is fast.  Hooking a leash on him won't help if the roads are icy.  He has traction no one else has. The other thing is that I would have to drop him off before 7 am.  A bit early for them.

Option 3- leave him at home and have someone come by and check on him.  I can't remember when he has been left completely alone for any period of time in the last 7 years at least.  Another dog - usually Summer -  has always been with him.  Will he have a hard time being alone? or will his reduced hearing, vision, and senior moments allow him to just pass the day waiting at the door, unaware no other dog is around?   This is probably what I will do but it also has issues.  Ideally, his sitter can stay for an hour or so just to keep him company. Pick up lunch (Mr Gyro's), bring it over, eat, read a book, watch the weather channel, take a nap...hint, hint....grandma? grandpa?.......

Option 4 is to take him with me.  He can sit in the car and I can check on him a few times during breaks in the action.  If Tim were joining me, this is what we would do without thinking about it.  But with it just being me and having Oregon and wanting to spend time with Teva, it isn't a very practical option.   This is the 'mom doesn't want to be away from her boy' option.

Whew...it is no wonder I am tired.  My brain just won't stop.  Now that I have my options removed from my cerebral cortex, I can drop it for a while.  Pick it up in a day or so with a different perspective.  Writing things down, really does allow me to drop it.  If I need to pick it back up, I have it and can incorporate new insights.  But if I just needed to let it go, it is gone, no longer occupying space in my head.

Feb 5: Snow and more snow

We have been doing a lot of snow shoveling lately.  A week ago it was in the 50's with no snow and now we have shoveled well over a foot.  The sun is out and has melted the driveway.  I could have predicted all this snow as we were supposed to be in Florida this week.  We cancelled the trip not knowing how Arri would do.  Physically, he probably would have been fine but mentally, it was a question.  He has been so attached to me, I didn't want to make him sick because we left.  Yes, I also would have been sick and unable to enjoy the trip if I had left him.

On Saturday we went to my parents house to shovel them out. We had 10 inches of snow in 24 hours.  Arri came with.  The street had been plowed so we parked there and started to work.  We left the van door open and Arri laid there watching.  He didn't show any interest in getting out to visit Grandma and Grandpa....at least, not until Grandpa opened the door to the house.  I don't think Arri believed they were home.  He got excited then and ran into the house - going straight for the cookie jar.  Grandma reported that once he got his cookie, he went on a search and rescue mission to save any tissues that were accidentally thrown in the trash.   When we were done, we went inside to chat.  Arri would not leave my side.  He stayed within 3 feet of me.  I think he was afraid we were going to leave without him.

Sunday again, we had to wrestle Arri out of the way so we could go to church.  He is not at all happy with being left behind.  For years, when we put on our coats to go anywhere, he would run right into the bedroom and lay on the bed.  We never had any arguments from him.  He got his cookie and slept the whole time we were gone.  Those days are long gone.

Have a sweep a path through the yard

Monday morning, we were back and Grandma and Grandpa's to shovel again.  We had 5 more inches with the prediction of 3 - 4 more.  This time, Glamis joined Arri.  Glamis was more than happy to go in the house.  By the time I opened the door for Arri to go in, I could hear that Glamis had found his way into Grandma and Grandpa's bedroom.  He surprised them as they had not heard us arrive.  Nothing like a cold, wet nose to wake you up in the morning.  I won't rat them out and say how late in the morning it was to find them still in bed but I can assure you it was not the crack of dawn.

Arri, Summer, Oregon & Glamis - Feb 5

As far as his health, Arri is doing well.  He moves around well - even in the deep snow.  I have only found one new BB in the last few days.  This one is on his chin.  None of them seem to be growing at this point but they also are not disappearing.   He has started with the cough/gag again.  Only once or twice a day but still, that tells me, something in his chest has started to grow again.  His next visit to MSU will be on Feb 18.  It will be an impatient wait if the coughing increases.

Feb 1: Visit to the vampire

It has been 7 days since the second chemo treatment and that means a visit to the vampire.  He conned the ladies at the front desk for who knows how many treats before he was even called back.  He knows how to work the system.   Arri was good about going back with the tech and he even peed for her.  Yes, they wanted him to because they needed to test that also.  The results were all good.  One level was outside the normal range on the low side but not so low that it was a concern.  Arri was his happy, dorky, clumsy self the whole visit.  Yes, he got treats from the Doctor and more from the front desk on his way out.

Jan 31: Happy 14th Birthday

14 Years ago, I didn't know you existed. 

I had just applied to be a puppy raiser for 

Canine Companions for Independence.

 One year ago, you were on treatment 17 of 18 for a nerve sheath sarcoma in your hind leg.

3 weeks ago I was planning your funeral.  We were hoping to keep you comfortable but didn't expect you to hang on very long.  You were so very sick that week.

 Today we party!!!

Happy 14th Birthday to my boy.  I never could have guessed the adventure you would take me on.  I am so grateful that the adventure continues.

Jan 30: Slack off for a week and you forget so much

So last week I noticed Arri had BB's growing again.  We are pretty sure they are benign cysts but have never been able to get a definitive answer.  I found 5 of them on him.  They are just under the skin and feel like BB pellets.   One day, the one on his collar bone/shoulder started growing.  Within 3 days, it was larger than a peanut M&M and looked like a monster pimple.  It clearly irritated Arri to touch it so I left it alone and kind of forgot about it for a day.  I went to check a day or so later and it was completely gone.  I could not find any sign of it.

A few days before his chemo treatment, I noticed one on his belly was growing.  I wanted to take him to the vet but decided there wasn't any point.  Arri is already getting chemo so there is not much else to do.  This one also started to hurt him when touched.  When I dropped the boy off for chemo, I pointed it out.  While he was there, the Dr did a needle aspiration.  From what he saw, he believed it was a sarcoma.  He thought the one that disappeared may also have been a sarcoma but the chemo attacked it and won.  Now that he has a fresh dose of Carboplatin, maybe the one on his belly will go away also.

Tonight I was petting Arri and it is driving me nuts.  I found 5 more BB pellets growing.  He was being a goof, sitting next to me on the sofa, wiggling and wanting me to scratch him.  I scratched on ear and then moved the the other.  Just as I was rubbing, Arri started flipping his head and pawing at his nose. At that point I felt a huge lump.  Huge being relative.  At the base of his ear, just below the entrance to the ear canal is a swollen BB about the size of a shelled almond.  It had dried blood on the end - Arri has been scratching when I wasn't looking.  I tried to get a good look but it clearly pained him.  I will try to ignore this one for a few days and see what happens.

He now has BB's on his legs, chest, belly, neck ribs, back, ear and tonight I found one starting on the top of his head.  What am I going to do with this boy.  He is like a cancer petri dish.


The other thing was that I got a copy of Arri's x-rays from Jan 2 - before he went to MSU.  I can say it is fascinating now only because Arri has recovered and is doing so well.  It was terrifying 3 weeks ago.  This x-ray was taken after over 100cc's of fluid were removed from Arri's chest.  All the white in the lower right corner - not supposed to be white. In the first x-ray, the black blob in the middle was not visible.

Overall, post Chemo treatment #2 has been good.  A little under the weather but I did not have to make meatloaf.  A little baby food gravy on his kibble and he was happy.  He still takes daily trips to the park and wants to play in the evenings.  It is almost 8:45.  I imagine he will come tell me it is bedtime soon.

Jan 27: under the weather..just a bit

We have not had much to report in the last week other than all great days.  His royal highness now expects breakfast in bed.  He is awake and alert, perky eared, waiting for food to arrive.  Most of the day, he is hanging out - close by.  In the evenings, he gets playful, wanting to play tug of war with me, but not so much with the other dogs.  Around 8:45 he starts to get restless.  Does he need to go out?  Is he sick?...Nope...the boy just wants everyone to go to bed.

The other night, Tim went to the bedroom and Arri followed.  He then moved to the office. I thought Arri was with him.    I was still on the sofa.  I am not sure how much time passed but I heard whimpering and a light woof.  Thinking something was wrong, I moved quickly to the office to see if Arri was ok.  He wasn't there.  I ran to the bedroom.  He was in the dark, on the very edge of the bed looking very anxious.  Apparently, Tim put him up on the bed and left the room.  Arri was not at all happy that no one came to bed with him.  I grabbed my book and snuggled up with him.  He was much happier.

As far as eating, Arri is off the meatloaf and baby food.  He decided he likes Oregon's Eukenuba so that is what I have kept him on.  I have a stock pile of baby food for the next round of chemo.

The other big event of the week was Oregon's first true snow.  An inch of snow doesn't count.  We finally got dumped on with 9 inches.  Oregon had a blast.  Problem was that Arri had not dealt with this much since he lost his leg.  We shoveled paths in the yard to make it easier.  He would bounce down part of a path and then detour through the deep snow.  His way of saying 'thanks for the offer but I can do it myself'.  There are no real obstacles for that boy.

Jan 22, 2013 - lovin' the snow

Friday, Jan 24 was Arri's second chemo treatment.  Our local vet was willing to give the treatment so we didn't have to drive up to MSU.  Arri was happy to be there and willingly went to the back room.  He has maintained his weight.  I picked him back up at 4:00.  They said he was a bit wiggly during treatment so he had a band-aid on his leg from the IV.  I can feed him whatever he has been eating.  It is ok if he turns his nose up at food for a day or two but beyond that, I should give him the appetite stimulant.  Once home, he was just as happy as can be.  No side effects yet.

post chemo round 2 - Oregon is making sure Arri is ok.

Saturday - food is still yummy.  In the evening, we see the first signs that all may not be peachy.  It was just a glazed look in his eyes.

Sunday:  This morning he was not so perky.  He was not waiting for his breakfast - he was still resting his head.  I gave him only 1/2 of the eukenuba and then a small can of puppy mush.  He ate slower than typical but did finish the whole bowl.   I went to the gym after feeding the dogs and Tim said Arri cried and jumped off the bed after me.  He is not normally clingy so he must be a bit under the weather.  Overall, he is much better than after the last chemo...so far.

He made it almost impossible to go to church.  For the last month, we have not been making him go to the bedroom when we leave.  He just lays at the front door and waits.  Well, when he gets clingy, he does not want to be left home - period.  As we put on our coats and got Oregon ready to go, there is Arri at the garage door doing the happy dance.   He had so much energy and wanted to go with.  It broke my heart to leave him.  Tim had to hold him so I could get out the door with Oregon then Tim managed to get out.

Jan 17: The boy is back in town!

 For many years, Arri was my 6:03 am alarm clock.  Since his cancer last year, he has retired from that position.  He would get up whenever I got up to feed everyone.  Since he got home from the hospital two weeks ago, he gets up when he absolutely has to go outside, sometime around 7:30 am.  This morning, he got out of bed before 6:00 am.

More and more energy it seems.  Arri is back to daily, albeit short trips to the park.

 It has been 15 days of odd eating habits but improving appetite. Tonight was the first time Arri was bouncing with the rest of the dogs, excited for dinner.  Normally he is always fed first but when I was delivering meals to where he sat, he was last so I could keep the mongrels from moving in on his food.  He was fed last tonight only because we were not expecting him to be standing in line with the rest so his plate was not ready.  I put his variety of foods in his bowl and let him stand at the head of the chow line.   He ate it down with gusto.

It is getting easier to forget he has an incurable cancer.  While the chemo knocked him on his butt for a number of days, it also seems to be kicking the pants off the cancer.   While there is no way to know what is happening on the inside without tests, x-rays etc, based on behavior  Arri is feeling great.   I did not expect such excellent results.