April 2, 2012....biopsy

Frustration runs high. I still haven’t heard biopsy results from Arri’s surgery from two weeks ago. I called first thing and the receptionist tried to forward me to the surgeon. He told her oncology was taking care of that. Guess what? Dr Ottnod was not in the office yet. I have found another growth and the latest 3 have gotten larger. I think my biggest frustration is that I expected radiation to work. I feel very let down. I really don’t know what the next step is. More surgery? More radiation? Leave it alone and let him live his life? Part of me wants to do that. But knowing he has cancer and just letting it grow when he is still so healthy in every other respect prevents me from ignoring it. I am starting to think, in some ways, learning your dog has a terminal illness and losing them quickly can be easier. The person going through it certainly doesn’t think so. I am sure they are wondering if they could have caught it sooner. It is a painful blessing in disguise. That test question is a yes/no/when response. I feel like my test is multiple choice with an essay attached. I am constantly second guessing. If I ignore it, will I feel guilty forever because I didn’t do more? And then there is the flip side. If I do more, do I question whether I should have just let it be? My brain hurts. Through this whole ordeal, I have not shed a tear about this but today I am. I am so conflicted in what is best for him.

Time passes…..

I got a call back from the surgeon.  They had not realized they had not received the biopsy results.  He said the tumor was a high…..(something) return of the cancer.  That’s all he said.  He will have Dr. Ottnod or Dr. Obradovich review the results and call me back.

Time passes…..

Dr. Obradovich called.  Well, no she didn’t.  She had her assistant who can’t answer any questions call.  Arri does have Stage 2 sarcoma. We have an appointment on Friday to discuss Chemo, which is apparently her next recommendation.  If we chose to do it, Arri will start on Friday.  So I called on my friend Google to see if I can learn anything before the appointment.  I learned that Chemo will not cure him.  The best we can hope for is that the cancer goes into remission.  At this point, I am pretty skeptical.  The radiation was supposed to do that and the cancer was back in less than 6 weeks after treatment ended.  So, do we spend a boat load of money on something that may not help?    One thing the websites say, and the Dr. said in January, is that chemo may be for life.  Daily/weekly drug administration, monthly blood draws and possible side effects of vomiting, loss of appetite and the big D.  I hate to experiment on my boy.  Maybe we start chemo and if he has bad side effects, we stop. 

Oh, and turn in is in 6 weeks.  Teva is my cuddler and comic relief.  Poor Oregon has some huge paws to fill.